Elephant Stew

1 large elephant
100kg Peppercorns
50 Bags onions
80 Boxes of carrots
1.5 Tons of potatoes
5 Bags of salt
Cut up the vegetables. this will take about a week.
Catch the elephant and chop up into bite sized chunks...good luck.
Pump 5000L water into a big pot and add the vegetables.
Bring the pot to the boil over a very large fire and add the elephant.
Allow to boil for 3 days, then simmer for a week.
Serves 7000 people.

Skewered Rhinoceros

20 Zulu warriors
1 Large Rhinoceros
10kg Salt
Large chainsaw
1 Long sharp pole
1 Truckload of firewood
20L Gasoline
1 Construction crane

Take the warriors and fetch the rhino.
Using the chainsaw, remove the horns and keep them aside, they can be powdered later and given to male guests at the feast.
Remove the skin. This avoids having to scrub it down. Rub the salt in.
Insert the skewer pole.

Douse the firewood with the gasoline, stand back and ignite.
Hang skewered rhino over fire with the crane.

Leave to cook for a week.