Skewered Rhinoceros

20 Zulu warriors
1 Large Rhinoceros
10kg Salt
Large chainsaw
1 Long sharp pole
1 Truckload of firewood
20L Gasoline
1 Construction crane

Take the warriors and fetch the rhino.
Using the chainsaw, remove the horns and keep them aside, they can be powdered later and given to male guests at the feast.
Remove the skin. This avoids having to scrub it down. Rub the salt in.
Insert the skewer pole.

Douse the firewood with the gasoline, stand back and ignite.
Hang skewered rhino over fire with the crane.

Leave to cook for a week.